I wrote this in regards to another post I read somewhere and as I went back to it, about a month after I read it, I thought it would be a good thing to share. What you’re going to read is just a small piece of what our family went thru during a very hard time. I’ll add a few details at the end. Please, share with me, either publicly or in private, if you’re experiencing or have experienced something like this. We can walk together.
As a Christian mom my child, who was raised in church her entire life, walked away from the church and from us. It took 8 years of her diving into witchcraft, into the most awful of things, for her to finally have the demons come off and for her to return home, return to Jesus. As hard as she ran towards the devil, she’s running even harder towards Jesus!
When our children sin, and we’re in the church, or in our case, my husband an elder and then later a pastor and I, with my Hadassah Ministry, people look to you as the one in fault. However, we as Christian parents, followers of Christ, just one thing can happen that can cause a child to stumble and we can’t catch them. But guess who can?!?! HIM! Jesus!! We can miss just ONE thing and that child can spiral out of control. Well, guess who had His eye on everything and missed NOTHING?!? JESUS!
As parents, we all beat ourselves up over guilt, don’t we? What did we miss? How could we have made changes that might have made a difference? All of this in the midst of incredible judgment because of church leadership (this is generalized and NOT specific.). I remember talking with my youngest daughter about this and she said something that stuck with me and really helped me in my guilt and my reluctance to post about what was happening behind our closed doors and within our broken hearts. She said, “Mama, don’t you think there are other moms out there who are going through this very same thing? Don’t you think they need someone to tell them they’re not alone? To tell them it’s possible to be a Christian mom and still have a child choose free will over the way they were raised? Don’t you think they need to hear that? So talk about it, share it, and remember who YOU are in Jesus because that’s the one thing that has NOT changed!” Wise kid, no?
So friends, when our children in the church sin in such way that it’s public and everyone can see, don’t hide in shame, walk in the truth. The truth of how you raised your child. If you’ve truly raised them in The Word and you’ve modeled your life after His, you have no reason to hide. Come into the light so that others know they aren’t alone.
Finally, for those of you who have NOT had a child like this, but have seen it happen in your church, be it a big church or a small one, DON’T whisper about that family, DON’T judge them, DON’T isolate yourselves from them, and DON’T give them a wide berth when they come in for service as if what they’re going thru will rub off on you. Instead, GO to that family and ask what you can do for them. Recognize their pain and walk beside them. We are called to be one body and when one part hurts, we should ALL hurt.
It might sound odd, but one of the best things a gal from my church did for me was on my first Mother’s Day without both of my girls. It was in the middle of praise and worship and something was said about it being Mother’s Day. I couldn’t keep it in so I just got myself into the bathroom as quickly as possible. A beautiful gal named Carmen came in after me, told me she loved me and then asked me if we were going anywhere nice for lunch. She didn’t ask me about all of the sordid details going on and she didn’t ask how my day to day was. She simply brought me into that moment and turned my brain away from the pain and into one where someone was just curious about something as so simple as lunch. I can’t explain it, but it somehow released me from that temporary pain I was in. And as it often does as I write these posts I just realized why it worked. It unlocked me from being in all of the hurt that had been happening up until that time and what her question did for me was to look at the future. Even if it was just lunch. I had to stop the crying enough to think about her question and then answer her and that took my mind off of the pain and focused me back in the present and looking towards the future. Such a simple question. “Are you going anywhere nice for lunch?”
I asked her, about a year later why she did that and she said she figured I didn’t need someone to make me cry more. She was right. I didn’t. God used her to help me. It took many more sleepless nights and many, many more tears shed, but my family came thru it and we know that we can go thru whatever we need to.
We had many, many people come to us and share their stories that they’d dealt with when it came to their children. Things that were hard, things that could have been devastating and irrevocably damaging to their lives and, in some cases, it was. However, all of theirs was behind closed doors and they felt like they were alone, that no other parent friend of theirs was facing anything like it. One gal said it was a parent’s, “hidden shame,” because none of us want to be seen as bad parents. Especially when you know how you’ve raised them. I had an epiphany one day and it finally gave me the peace God’s been trying to get thru my thick skull. It only took 8 years. It’s this: I raised my kids in love. No matter what I may have gotten right or wrong, I raised them in love. God reminded me that I never put them down, said anything other than lifting them up or encouraging them, and that I’ve always wanted the best for them. I raised them in love.
So, if you’re experiencing something behind closed doors with your children, please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust to walk with you. You don’t have to go it alone.
The Word of God says we are to look at ourselves soberly. Do we as parents get it perfect? Heck no! However, are you raising your child in love? That’s what you need to ask yourself. Then, be quiet and listen for the truth in the answer.
Hadassah Ministry 